Tyra Banks, Jennifer Hudson, and Ugly Betty-The new look of Beauty…

Can it really be happening? Can women be considered beautiful at size 12? Even supermodel Tyra Banks is tired of being anorexic. Two models died, and FINALLY, the fashion industry has a weight limit so that their runway gals don’t die of emaciation. Is there hope? Can we really eat carbs again? My husband and I are on a diet. I hate diets. First of all, because you eat this disgusting tasting food that your mother made you eat when she told you you had to finish it before dessert. Only this time you have to finish it and there is no tasty dessert afterwards. Rice cakes, for example. You might as well eat packing material. They put flavors on them like caramel and parmesan cheese, but its still packing material. Then there are those Kashi cereals. My pillow stuffing tastes better. And you can’t even cover them up with sugar or fruit.

Celery is completely worthless. My garden hose has more flavor. And forget the camouflage ingredients like pimento cheese and peanut butter. Those aren’t on the list. Then there are those somewhat tastier foods that still leave you hungry.

Like Chinese food. Kung Pao Chicken, Beef with Broccoli, Black Beans and Tofu. You’re hungry thirty minutes after you finish your plate. Even the fortune cookie doesn’t make the feeling last. And finally, contraband that really does taste good. Cotton candy-you know-the kind you get at the Pima County Fair. Fluffy, pink and delicious. Have you ever seen the guy who whips it up in a frenzy? Before he blows it around, its just a spoonful of sugar. Sometimes I wish the Lord had given us a nuclear power system that would keep us going. Then we wouldn’t have to deal with the whole hunger thing. And Ronald McDonald would go out of business. Food doesn’t last. We went on a mission trip to the Middle East and when we returned all our bananas were black. Don’t expect them to taste yellow and fresh.

We can lose the fresh taste of life. Solomon did. He tasted of life and nothing satisfied. That is why he wrote Ecclesiastes. He said life at the start had great taste. He talks about trying money, women, and philosophy. But nothing satisfied. He called it “meaningless” or “mist” that fades away. Then he penned these words at the end of his book. “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth…here is the conclusion of the matter-Fear God and keep His commandments.” Ecclesiastes 12:1 and 13. trying the stuff of this world is mist. It may appear to have great taste…But it is less filling.

I’m going to seek God first. As for the diet, I finally decided to buy me a muzzle.

Blind Dates

Nobody likes blind dates….Nobody!!! What if he picks his nose, or wears his pants up to his chin? What if he takes one look at you, and ducks out the back door?  So you’re not Keira Knightly…but he’s not Orlando Bloom either. Or even worse–what if you sit down at the table, and make awkward conversation over cold pizza all evening. The sweetness of intimacy only happens when you make the effort to invest your life in loving someone else. You go through stage one-asking questions. What do you do for fun? How many brothers and sisters do you have? Do you have a pet? What do you want to do in your spare time? then stage two arrives. You can sit in the same room and talk about shared experiences–the dinner you had last week-the ball game you watched together. At stage three, you even can perceive what the other person is thinking and anticipate their response. You know which TV shows they watch. You know whether they want Doritos or Potato Chips. You know when to talk and when to be quiet. In Hosea 6:3 the prophet Hosea writes:”Let us acknowledge (know) the Lord, let us press on to acknowledge (know) Him. As sure as the sun rises-He will appear; He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that cover the earth.

How do you really get to know someone?

1. You spend time with them.
2. You listen and learn their wishes, their preferences, you enter their world.
3. You have shared experiences-easy (good) and hard (difficult.)
4. You work toward a common goal.

Exodus 33:11-The Lord would speak to Moses face to face as a man speaks with His friend. Moses spent time dialoguing with God, sharing in His plans. He actually saw God’s glory while he was still alive on the earth. He received ten commandments on the mountain. He grieved with God when Israel worshipped the golden calf. He was disciplined when he struck the rock at Meribah. God buried Moses himself.

What are some practical ways we can know Him?

1. Set aside time each day to spend with Him.
2. Journal and listen to Him speak through His word.
3. Pray through scripture.
4. Obey His voice-follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Listen to the people who listen to God.

Paws and Reflect

Why do dogs have paws? Don’t their feet get chilly? What about stickers, hot concrete, dog poo, and mud? Why not wear doggie booties, platforms, pumps, or loafers? (Although I know a few dog owners who subject their reluctant canines to such footwear…) The dogs seem annoyed with the whole clothing thing. But paws protect our furry friends. For some reason, God designed Doggie pawpads to be tough and durable. We live in Cactusville, so they have to learn to step lightly…Although this is a really bad pun, pawsing to reflect on our lives also protects us. As we begin a new year, it might be nice to spend some time quietly asking ourselves a few questions.

How much do we enjoy our own yard, or how often do we spend our time longing for the green grass of a neighbor’s? How quickly are we ready to throw poo at the other doggies in the neighborhood? Do we scratch and bite, or do we cuddle and paw? Do we ever take time for a nap on the porch, just watching the clouds go by? And finally, do we love and follow our Master, or do we tug at the leash? A great Bible verse says “Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and your neighbor as yourself.” That’s great advice for puppies and people. It’s the “paws that refreshes!”

Jennifer Aniston-Why the Jennfest?

Poor Jennifer Aniston. I don’t care if you like her acting. How would you like to have your relationships, your failures, your disapppointments, splashed on every Us, People, and In Touch gossip magazine for all the world to see? And how much of the gossip is true? Does she have to see one more picture of Brad and Angelina? According to her, the printed words are so painful, they destroy her life. Give the girl her privacy!

James, the brother of Jesus expounded on this truth in his letter:

“The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is ITSELF set on fire by hell.” We can relate to the power of the tongue by standing in the defendant’s shoes in a courtroom. The jury hands a piece of paper to the judge. One or two words can steer the course of your future. Guilty or not guilty. That’s the difference between freedom and the death penalty. Our words can lift and encourage someone to go on or assassinate someone’s character and drive them to despair. Even a simpleton knows that words are powerful.

Jorge Rodriguez was the meanest bandit on the Arizona-Mexico border. He often slipped across the border to raid the banks of southern Arizona. He’d steal them blind. Finally, the Arizona marshals decided to put the toughest border patrol officer they had on the case. After only a few days of searching, the Ranger found the bandito in a dingy, dusty bar in Sonora. The officer bolted into the bar, pulled both guns, and yelled, “Okay, stick ‘em up, Jorge; you’re under arrest. I know you’ve got the stolen cash.” Suddenly a little guy over in the corner butted in. “Wait, wait…just a moment senor,” he said. Jorge does not speak English. He’s my amigo, so I’ll translate for you.” The Ranger explained, ‘Look, we know he’s the robber we’ve been looking for. We know he’s stolen over $50,000 U.S. dollars. We want it back PRONTO. Either he pays up or I’ll fill him full of holes. You tell him that! “Okay, Okay! I’ll tell him.” So the translator turned to Jorge and repeated in Spanish everything the Ranger had said. Jorge listened, frowned, then responded in Spanish. ‘Okay, I give up. Tell him to go down to the well just south of town, count four stones down from the top of the well, then pull out the one loose stone. All the money I have stolen I’ve hidden behind the stone.” The translator turned to the Border Patrol agent and said. “Jorge says, Go ahead and shoot me, you stupid Gringo. I’ll never tell you where the money is!!!” Ambassadors are mediators whose wise words can save lives and bring peace among warring nations. Good news brings hope and health to the listener. When is the last time you watched the NBC Nightly News and felt better about yourself and the world you live in? We could really use some good news!

Words of encouragement can profoundly impact someone’s character and self-esteem. It may take a lifetime of damage control to recover from Dad’s cruel jab—“Son, you’ll never amount to anything!” In a country church in Italy, a small altar boy dropped the communion wine. The village priest slapped him and said, “You clumsy idiot. Get out of here and never come back!” Another priest in the south of Italy had a clutzy altar boy. When the wine fell from the cruet, the priest smiled at the boy and said “one day you’ll be a fine priest…now fill the cruet again.”

The first altar boy grew up to be the godless Italian dictator Marshall Tito. The second chubby cherub grew up to be Archbishop Fulton Sheen. Words can propel or destroy.

Let’s give Jennifer a break. Say something nice, or don’t say anything at all.

Rosie, Donald, Mel and Lindsay…Is it hoof and mouth disease?

Rosie O’Donnell goes head to head with Donald Trump over her smart-mouthed comment about his judgment concerning a hard-partying Miss U.S.A. Mel Gibson creates a stunning movie masterpiece called “The Passion of the Christ” and then insults his audience with an anti-Semitic drunken tirade. Wispy little starlets like Lindsey Lohan have their insulting little gossip wars spattered over the latest trashy magazine. Didn’t that sound like the catfights you overheard in the high school girl’s bathroom?

Have you ever played “telephone’? You know, it’s that cute little game where you whisper down the line and see how closely the last person can quote the first one. The telephone game is especially difficult if one of the players has braces or earwax. This little exercise is much more true-to-life than we would like to admit. Gossip is a favorite feminine pastime. It is a shame we are so predisposed to scandal. Solomon writes in the book of Proverbs that angry words or slanderous words spell disaster to human relationships. The crafty monarch teaches us many powerful lessons about the tongue. Proverbs 10:18-“He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” The tongue can reveal much about our physical health—if it is coated, we may have an intestinal virus—if it is red, we may have an infection.

Solomon, James and Jesus all taught us about the symbiotic relationship between our tongues and our hearts. In Matthew 12:34-35 Jesus talked about the tongue-the litmus paper that reveals our soul. “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.” The best way to be sure we don’t stomp the hearts of people around us is to have a loving attitude—to see the good in people and to give them the benefit of the doubt instead of the benefit of the slop!

Dreamgirls

Every girl wants to be a dreamgirl. One day you’re singing in the shower, and the next day, you are singing on the stage! Not to mention the wigs, the glittery outfits, and the cheering throng. Jennifer Hudson is living that dream. She started as a shy, chubby songbird on American Idol and graduated to a big-league diva in a matter of months. Very few dreamgirls are born with the silver spoon in their mouths. Kate Hudson, maybe-the sticklike ditzy blonde born to sixties “It Girl” Goldie Hawn. Drew Barrymore-offspring of the famous Lionel Barrymore and Ethel Barrymore-got a boost from the Golden Age of Hollywood glitterati. But how about you and me? Maybe your parents were schoolteachers or plumbers in Podunk, Louisiana. How can we live the dream? Well, we have the opportunity to be rich heiresses. We don’t have to own a hotel chain like Paris and Nicky Hilton. The Bible tells us we are heirs to the riches of heaven and the blessings on earth. Jesus came to redeem the world. He bought it back with His blood when He died on the cross. John the disciple wrote these words: “The true light (Jesus) that lights up every man was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize Him. He came to His own people, and they didn’t receive Him. Yet to all who received Jesus, the ones who believed in His name (that He was God’s son and came to give eternal life to the world by the ransom that He paid on the cross), He gave the right to become children of God-not children of natural descent, nor of human decision, but born of God. John 1:8-12, (Julie’s paraphrase). Every movie star would like to escape the aging process-no plastic surgery, nothing drooping or falling apart. God says when we invite Jesus into our lives, we have life forever. We cheat death. Cool, huh? WE have all of His riches. We even get crowns for all sorts of great stuff.

I even read in John 14 that there are mansions in heaven and we each get one. The ones in California are subject to smogs and earthquakes. These are better. Now why would God want us to be Dreamgirls? Just one reason-He loves us. He loved us before we were even born, and He wants to bless every aspect of our lives. Now that’s what I call a dream come true!

Nicole, Kate, and Keira-Happily Ever After?

After perusing one issue of People magazine and surveying the corpselike figures of Nicole Richie, Kate Bosworth and Keira Knightly, we can discern that our self-perceptions can be horribly skewed. How thin is thin enough? We can assume that the issue for all of us is to treat our bods as God’s and not quibble about His architecture. Have you ever heard a man lament “I have my mother’s thighs?” Are you comfortable in your own skin? Do you wish you were thinner, richer, smarter than your peers? Do you long for their reputation or family history? My daughter Bronwyn analyzes the self image struggle some women have. She says some women are fappy-fat and happy. They know how to eat, drink, and be merry, though they may struggle to fit into those new designer jeans. But they couldn’t care less. Some women are thad-thin and sad. Every meal is an opportunity to conquer themselves, and they are good at it. Some women are thappy-those are the string beans who can eat whatever they want and never gain an ounce. We hate them. Most of us are chad-chubbier than we’d like and sad about it! We try to say no, and then beat ourselves up when we succumb to the lure of the cheeseburger. But oh, was it good. But oh, will my jeans fit tomorrow? One of the greatest hindrances to effective relational skills is our own self image hang-ups. We need to interact with healthy self-awareness.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind, and your neighbor as yourself”-Jesus called it the Greatest Commandment. We cannot love someone if we do not first get a grip on loving ourselves. King David-the rich, powerful King of Israel had it all. He was called the man after God’s own heart. He killed the giant Goliath when he was just a teenaged pipsqweak. The whole nation of Israel sang of his military prowess. “King Saul killed his thousands, but David his ten thousands.” He had paparazzi before cameras were invented. Girls swooned. Men admired him. His soldiers would do anything for him. They even risked their lives to go behind enemy lives just to bring him some “Perrier.” But David-celebrity that he was-had some serious rejection issues. We don’t know if he was on the pudgy side, but we do know he was insecure. When Samuel came around to Jesse’s house to anoint a king, Jesse, David’s father, didn’t even think David was king material. He left him in the field with the sheep. Michal, David’s first wife, ditched him when David fled from her crazy dad. David had the hots for Bathsheba, but even then it didn’t last. Abigail, Nabal’s widow seemed a suitable partner, but you don’t hear from her at the end of David’s reign. All we really know for sure is that David was lonely at the end of his life. The king was still looking for love on his deathbed. He called for Abishag, a young virgin to be placed beside him in his final moments.

God does not want us to live a loveless life. He tells us we are his “embroidery!” God sent His only Son Jesus to die on a cross so that we might share heaven with God. If we ask Jesus to come into our lives and to forgive our shortcomings and brokenness, He promises to make us celebrities! We have a new name and a new heart! Our bods are God’s.

Honeymoon’s Last Resort!

As females, we must often train the males of the species in basic relational skills. For example, the hubby thinks to himself-“I need to say something about her trip to the beauty shop” so he yells, “Hey Babe, what’s up with your hair?” Another really wise male maneuver is to never ever answer your wife’s question-“Does this make me look fat?” I met a pastor-husband last week who gave his wife a bathroom scale and a set of hand weights for her birthday. I am almost sure he had a death wish. Even traffic safety signs are written with some decorum-“Please drive slowly, we love our children.” Not, “Gun it, we’ll make more!” If God had given King Solomon more wisdom than anyone on earth, he would have certainly bestowed some empathy on the dynamic monarch. Solomon never would have survived the estrogen onslaught of his bloated harem without a touch of savoir-faire. And here’s a little secret–You don’t have to be a MENSA member to have successful people-skills. In fact the opposite can be true. If you look at the left brain human capacity for engineering, math and science, you will find that those individuals (most of them male) have less relational skills than right-brained people. The abstract-random creative, touchy-feely right brainers can’t find their way out of a parking lot, but they can read the body language of a friend in distress. If you are very, very high on the left-brained end of the spectrum, you may have autism or asberger’s syndrome. These people cannot read the emotions of those around them. In fact, successful long-term relationships are almost impossible. But these guys are the ones you want to balance your checkbook and fix your computer. The right-brainers can sniff out hurt, pain and fear a mile away, but please don’t ask them to carry a watch or work a Blackberry.

Solomon, in his fatherly moments, had a great deal to say about relating to others with sensitivity and kindness. His wisdom would serve us well in our everyday lives with our families, our friends and our neighbors. Let’s start where the rubber meets the road-honesty. Proverbs 27:6-“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 26:23-26 “Like a coating of glaze over earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart. A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit. Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart.” Sine cera is a stamp that appeared on Middle Eastern pottery in Bible times. If a pot was cracked some shady merchants would fill the cracks with wax. The pots looked spiffy on the outside, but they fell to pieces when grandma started cooking her favorite matzo bread. A pot that was all one piece was given a badge of honor that read “without wax.” Sincerity is a powerful part of a successful relationship. What you see is what you get.

 

Cat as-trophic!!!

Julia the cat was definitely not a stray. In her black-and-white splendor, she would cruise the neighborhood and lay lazily in front of each back door until she had consumed her cream quota for the day. However, Julia had one nasty habit. She loved to rifle through trash cans. Be they small, plastic Rubbermaid bins or tall metal fortresses, Julie knew how to burgle her way to the goodies. Countless mornings, we would approach the carport to find last night’s leftovers smeared upon the concrete. One afternoon, however, Julie finally got her come-uppance. Curiosity almost killed her. We came through the back gate to find the chubby kitty stumbling around with a large dog food can stuck fast to her head all the way up to her paw-pits. Secretly, we hoped Julia had learned her lesson. But my husband Roger had pity on the poor pussycat. He grabbed her gingerly to remove the aluminum vice. Nothing budged. All we could hear were Julia’s faint whimpers. In desperation, Roger picked her up by her tail and her can and shook her like a salt shaker. With a suction sound one hears when opening a jar of pickles, the seal was broken, and Julia slumped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Normally Julia would skittishly scurry away. Instead, she stumbled around like a liquored-up hobo. Then she looked up at Roger with pure admiration. He was her hero! You see, we can slink through life foraging for ourselves, taking matters into our own hands, but the results are disastrous. Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Otis Lee

Bronwyn Lea, our youngest daughter, had three treasured possessions in her young life: the first was the “animal blankie”-a multi-colored mini-quilt pock-marked with farm animals and handed down from her older sister, Brianna. One tear-filled afternoon, we jumped in the car, peeled out and frantically drove to El Paso’s Motel 6 to retrieve it.The second treasured possession was a blue taffeta dress with a built-in jingle bell petticoat. It never left her sweaty body between the ages of three and four without a fist fight. The third, and by far the greatest, was a bald Cabbage Patch doll named Otis Lee. Otis appeared as the trophy toy from her three-year-old Christmas bounty. None of the other gifts mattered. It was Otis that stole her heart. Otis had a hard life. Besides the smelly task of living under Bronwyn’s armpit day and night, Otis had many brushes with death. Once Becky, our faithful Border Collie, fancied Otis as a chew-toy. Besides dragging the plastic heartthrob through dog-poop, several teeth-marks had actually penetrated Otis’ skull. After major surgery and some duct tape, Otis survived. We’re not sure whether he had brain damage. The worst catastrophe of Otis’ and Bronwyn’s lives came when older sister, Brianna Lynn had finally taken all of the pestering she could stand from her little sister. Being the bright, yet sneaky seven-year-old that she was, she watched the weather channel to find a rainy night in July. After dark, Brie slipped Otis under a very deeply planted rosebush and waited for the mud to bury Otis alive. Brie’s act was ruthless, pre-meditated dolly murder.Much to Brianna’s chagrin, Otis was found. Bronwyn was in hysterics. In desperation, I threw Otis in the washer on perma-press. Although the rubber body parts were slightly deformed, Bronwyn didn’t mind. Otis slept in her bed for years. One day she was forced to give up Otis for another. Otis was exchanged for Richard , the man who captured her heart. Bronwyn loved Otis, but as long as she held onto him, she could never receive the precious treasure she received in her loving husband. Besides that, Richard is washable. We hold onto many things in this life-journey. Most of them are made of plastic. However, if by faith we choose to invite Jesus Christ into our lives and receive His gift of eternal life, we are forever transformed. All the playthings of this earth seem to fade when He captures our hearts. This little devotional guide is for the hungry heart who longs for a lover that will last. We do not carry Him under our arm, as Bronwyn toted Otis. We carry Him in our hearts. And when He draws us with His love, we will never be the same.